my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
