okay pat passed out under dana's car
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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