Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
