I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
