Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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