worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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