Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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