So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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