Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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