Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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