I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
