Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
