this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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