After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
