Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
