Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just want to make out with him forever
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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