6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize