Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
