who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
