I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
