I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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