omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
