i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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