did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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