Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
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I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
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She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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