I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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