woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize