I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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