Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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