He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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