just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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