hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
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she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
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Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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