Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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