Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
