is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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