Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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