take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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