Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
