The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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