I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I'm really busy with my period
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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