I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Please don't give away my fajitas
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
