There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We need to get me chipped asap
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
