Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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