just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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