Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
