pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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