Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
