I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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