It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
