Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
