I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Your cock deserves a montage
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
