I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
