she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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