About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
