The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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