At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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