Heybabeimwearingurpanties
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
