I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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