Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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