roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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