sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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