I've blown a few things in my day
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
