So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
