i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
