he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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