and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
