youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
