i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
