please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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