thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
