dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
