I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
