I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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