He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
