Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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